Популарни постови

уторак, 22. мај 2012.

"And whatever I do...I just can't shake him".

So, you remember that 81 foot long post about big, fat love, and even bigger and fatter disappointment?
Well, it's not true.
I mean, every single thing that I wrote is true, but I still haven't got it. My closure, I mean.
I haven't even noticed it, but it has been a year since then. But I still feel like it was just a day.

Have you ever experienced that feeling when you are perfectly fine with yourself and with your life, but then, just like that, you see that person again and all of that comes back to you?
Yeah, exactly that happened to me just yesterday.
I can't quite explain it (like I could ever explain anything). But it just came to me.
One second, I was hanging out with some old friends, and in the next one, there he was. I didn't even realized he was there.
I just felt someone touching my arm. I turned around and... it all went down again.
I couldn't believe that was him. Right there. I couldn't speak. But I knew why he was standing there, and I also knew that it won't last forever, so I leaned into him and he kissed me on the cheek. I don't know what idiot came up with the idea of kissing when you meet someone you know, but I will punch him in the face if I ever meet him. Hard.
And that was enough. It was enough for me to see him for 3 seconds, and a whole year went down the drain. And when I got back home that night, something unbelievable happened. I slept like and angel. Whole night. No disturbing dreams, no crying, no, ...nothing. I just fell asleep.
I still can't see "why is this good". Why is good that I spent a year on him, and nothing changed. He hurt me like no one else ever did, but I still feel everything. I would take him back again. I know he is bad for me. He is everything I ever hated in people, and yet, he is everything I ever needed. In the beginning I thought that that's a price you need to pay, because it's true love. But now I see that it's all fake. Nothing in this world ever makes sense. Nothing ever did. I was fooling myself for a long time, but I think I got to the end of that road. I can't keep doing that to myself.
I still curse the day I met him. It was exactly 11 months since then today. It feels like just yesterday.

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