Популарни постови

недеља, 19. фебруар 2012.

Don't make me sad, don't make me cry. Sometimes the road get's tough, I don't know why.

I guess it's time to do this.
It's not the easiest thing in the world, you know. But it's the most necessary one.
Here I go. I read somewhere that when I do this, I will get... How did they said...? Oh, yeah. Closure.
I need that. I need my closure.
The previous year was the worst of my life. I was abused in school, it was... I can't even find a word to describe it. But one week changed my life forever.
It was the last week of school. The grades were fixed and ready for eyes of our parents, and we were all sitting in the classroom, looking heavily outside the window where the world was going on like every other day.
I remember, that Monday was the worst. I remember I spent 3 hours locked in the bathroom near the library, waiting for my parents to come and take me from there forever. While I was sitting on the cold blue tiles, I wondered how did I get there. How could I let this happen to me? Where did it go wrong?
Finally, when I got home, I swore that it will never happen again. Never, ever. I won't let it.
The next day, I got up early, had breakfast and went on the run. Half way there I realized that the summer is here. I was exhausted and sweaty. So I ran across the street, bought a bottle of water and new ELLE, and went back home.
While I was reading an article about Gwen Stefani, I was feeling that something is missing. I haven't seen my best friend for a year. And I still couldn't call her. So i called Ana, my friend from the neighborhood.
And just when we realized that even if it's summer holiday, there was no one outside, I got a text. "Hey, are you outside? Wanna meet?" That was her. My best friend. My long lost best friend. She still knew how to read my minds.
So we met. She introduced me and Ana with whole bunch of new friends she made, and him. Even though it was middle of June, he was wearing a thick sweatshirt. She was next to him the whole time, so I figured that must be that gay that she was madly in love this whole year. I set down near some strange gay i blue shirt with cut eyebrow. It turned out that was her guy :)
On Wednesday me and Ana went out again and saw them. She was talking to them like she knew them her whole life, and I was standing there quietly staring at that guy who doesn't know how to dress by the prognosis.
I texted her immediately: "I saw him! I saw your bow". "Shut up, his not my bow", she texted back. "Where??? R u outside???" Nooo, he is at my house, it got through my mind. I felt like we were in the 8th grade again :)
On Friday we talked on the phone for 2 hours, talking about everything that happened to us while we were apart.
Tomorrow was the day of some big concert, so just a few of us went out. It was so cold and windy, even though just yesterday we were wearing shorts. I was standing in front of the entrance to some building, were it wasn't so cold. And then he showed up. Just like that, he was standing in front of me. He was wearing a white shirt. O my god, he really doesn't know how to dress. He offered me a cigarette "to warm up", but I said I'd rather whore his jacket, since he doesn't need it. And then he did something I never experienced before. Because that doesn't happens to me. He said to his friend: " Take that off. I need my jacket back"."Don't, man" I heard some other guys saying. But he took it off, and handed it to me. I felt warm, and not just because of the jacket. It was his jacket. A part of him on me.
On Sunday was even better, he was hugging me the whole time. But I knew it was to good to be true.
After that great week, it only got worse and worse. And I loved him even more and more. Now I realize that he loved me too. I was just to stupid to see it.
Maybe It was my fault. I drag to many people into it. But I couldn't help it! I loved him like I never loved anyone before. When we were fighting, it was bad. But when we made up, it was even better than before. I was mean to him, because I couldn't let him hurt me. Not again. But he did.
We were soul mates. I felt him when he was around, I knew what he thinks and what is he gonna say, I even felt when is he leaving and when is he coming back.We talked for hours about random things, we bickered and poked. But we couldn't say goodbye to each other after every night.
I knew when it was over. I just didn't know that it will hurt so much.
Now, seven months after "The best week", I can't help it wonder, is someone really a soul mate, if he's not with you anymore? If he killed you inside? Or is that what a soul mate really is?
I know one thing. My true soul mate is my best friend. She had to put up with my tears, my screams, my sad texts and even sadder thoughts. And she is still here. When I say that I'm never gonna love someone again, I really mean that. But she won't let me talk like that, so I keep it to myself.
I guess that's it. This how closure feels. I'm waiting for the burden to lift off of my chest any second now...

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