Have you ever felt so anxious about what the future has prepared for you?
You see, I'm a religious person. I've always been. But lately, I've been relying on all kinds of signs along the way, wishes made upon the shooting stars, and overall, destiny. I feel like everyone has a destiny of its own, which makes me afraid if there's even a point of fighting for what (or who) we want, if the destiny had a plan for us all along, maybe even before we were born.
When it comes to me, one thing has never changed. I am a huge jinx. It's like everything I do, turns around to bite me in the ass. Literally.
So along the way, I adopted the famous saying: "Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed". But like everything else, I had stuck to it a little too much.
And one day, I just stopped. But it wasn't for no reason, of course. My destiny has hit me so hard that I've needed some serious amount of time to get back on my feet. But I wasn't trying to do do from the beginning. I don't know, I guess it felt too good just lying there on the ground, hiding from the world and pretending you don't exist. Eventually, that world moves on from you. Then hours turn into days, and days into weeks and months, so you get used to just...existing. Not feeling. Not doing. Not enjoying. Just, being there. There's nothing wrong with that.
Or at least I was convinced so.
And that lasted for too long, a lot longer than it should have. To completely understand why some people do that, like me, you need to remember that everyone of us deal with a lot of problems, but not everyone handle them as well as the others. Some express it out loud, so everybody can hear it, even the ones who don't want to. But others, like me, choose to keep it inside. For some time, it really works. Nobody can see, nobody can hear. You can easily pass as a normal person, just like every other. But trust me, it's not that easy. Nothing is.
You see, when you hold inside you something that should have came out a long time ago, you get sick. Just like that. You become seriously ill. And when that happens. It's very hard to get healthy again. But why I've learned during my recovery, is that everyone can hurt you, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can help yourself. You need to find your inner strength, whatever it may be, and use it in the best way you can. It's easy, honestly. You just need to sink deep down and find it. Well, not that easy, but doable. Definitely doable.
You see, I'm a religious person. I've always been. But lately, I've been relying on all kinds of signs along the way, wishes made upon the shooting stars, and overall, destiny. I feel like everyone has a destiny of its own, which makes me afraid if there's even a point of fighting for what (or who) we want, if the destiny had a plan for us all along, maybe even before we were born.
When it comes to me, one thing has never changed. I am a huge jinx. It's like everything I do, turns around to bite me in the ass. Literally.
So along the way, I adopted the famous saying: "Don't expect anything and you won't be disappointed". But like everything else, I had stuck to it a little too much.
And one day, I just stopped. But it wasn't for no reason, of course. My destiny has hit me so hard that I've needed some serious amount of time to get back on my feet. But I wasn't trying to do do from the beginning. I don't know, I guess it felt too good just lying there on the ground, hiding from the world and pretending you don't exist. Eventually, that world moves on from you. Then hours turn into days, and days into weeks and months, so you get used to just...existing. Not feeling. Not doing. Not enjoying. Just, being there. There's nothing wrong with that.
Or at least I was convinced so.
And that lasted for too long, a lot longer than it should have. To completely understand why some people do that, like me, you need to remember that everyone of us deal with a lot of problems, but not everyone handle them as well as the others. Some express it out loud, so everybody can hear it, even the ones who don't want to. But others, like me, choose to keep it inside. For some time, it really works. Nobody can see, nobody can hear. You can easily pass as a normal person, just like every other. But trust me, it's not that easy. Nothing is.
You see, when you hold inside you something that should have came out a long time ago, you get sick. Just like that. You become seriously ill. And when that happens. It's very hard to get healthy again. But why I've learned during my recovery, is that everyone can hurt you, but at the end of the day, you're the only one who can help yourself. You need to find your inner strength, whatever it may be, and use it in the best way you can. It's easy, honestly. You just need to sink deep down and find it. Well, not that easy, but doable. Definitely doable.
